Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Ironman 2: Unfortunate

 [Originally posted on Ksite as an example of how not to make a movie, some edits below]

I saw Iron Man 2 last Friday.
It was garbage for the most part, and is the exact example of what a superman movie should not be. The best part of the movie was the constant T&A shots of Scarlett Johansson.

The storyline had no complexity, the bad guys were one-dimensional, the good guys were one-dimensional, scenes were constructed around making the biggest explosions, the portrayal of women was sexist throughout (I'm thinking of the birthday party in particular), an annoyingly cartoonish depiction of government and military, the science was cringe-inducing, and the fighting was boring.

Basically, it was a bad version of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen with a lesser story but with a hotter version of the eye-candy female lead.

RDJ's characterization was absolutely retarded. It's offensive to anybody who has a clue about how the world works or how hard it is to build anything. Somehow, this man is in great physical health, is an expert at all branches of science (software, hardware, biology, atomic physics, aeroynamics -- all of science), did a decent job running a business... and he always has time to party whenever he wants?

I was watching it with some other people, we burst out laughing when he instantly understood the new atomic nucleus his father, and we laughed even harder when he built a particle accelerator out of spare parts, in a few hours, and made a fundamental discovery that was only missing an extra strong wrench. The way he discovered the new element is even more retarded than the ending of Independence Day, were an alien invasion was beaten back because - wait for it - they were infected with a computer virus. They must have been using Windows 95 !

Sam Rockwell was ridiculous as Hammer. He was too much of a weasel to be in charge of a large corporation. He had private security that was somehow comprehensively beaten up first by a Russian loser, and then by Scarlet Johansson. The real villain was Vankov... here you have this super-genius who never did anything with his life until he saw Iron Man on the news. Then all of a sudden, within a few days and with zero budget, he built an ironman suit. Wow, if he's such a hard-worker and genius why did he never do anything with his life before? No reason - the characters are simply implausible. I liked the part where he hacked into the Hammer industries' computer system... that's not how computers work. If they did work that way, Vankov would have been living in a huge mansion for being such a genius, not in a dump.

As for my sexism reference no I'm not a chick. Just because someone is against gratuitous sexism/racism/homophobia/etc doesn't mean they're a member of the group. I was not referring to SJ. She may have been gratuitous T&A, but at least she had some plot elements going - sort of like the Bond girls. They're drop-dead gorgeous and wearing tight clothes, but at least they have other talents as well and they fulfill roles in the overall plot. I was talking about the women in the background. For example at his party, you have leggy, large-chested blondes throwing stuff around the room, and then jumping up and down in joy whenever he blows something up using his suit. It was very silly, and a very transparent trick to compensate for a poor storyline. As a male viewer, you're supposed to be excited by this sight and thereby not noticing that the party scene is nonsensical. I low how the war machine suit was just stolen, just like that.

I'll also note James Bond is not the standard. Bond, for the most part, is also ridiculous. It survives as an anachronism of the 1950s and 1960s, it's a form of escapism to a different era. If it was released now as a brand new concept it would do as well as all other spy movies - it would flop.

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